Why Do You Want Me?
by chikita282
Summary: Severus Snape questions his reason for living. But then memories come back to him of "The Old Days" in Hogwarts and suddenly life doesn't seem so bad.


Disclaimer: ok....bear with me peoplez.... i haven't written in a very VERY long time...the last time i wrote, i was like...13...i am now 15.... so plz be gentle...btw i would like to give the notice of my not OWNING ANY OF THE HARRY POTTER CHARACTERS OR HARRY POTTER RELATED THINGIES....none...nada...i give all the credit to the forever brilliant J.K Rowling who we owe so much to...so without futher ado...my story...enjoy and plz reveiw gently....

"Why do you want me?"

By: chikita282

He sat in the dimly lit classroom, looking at nothing and sighed. Living as a teacher in Hogwarts School of Witchcraft & Wizardry, an ill-reputed one at that, was not what a normal person would redeem as an exciting life. He drained his tea in a gulp and sighed again. He had a colossal headache, and nothing seemed to take it away. With nothing left to do, Severus Snape took a large hand and massaged his forehead. "Why does it pain so much? Can't I find at least one moment of without pain?" he whispered to himself. Then he paused at how much that question hurt. He lived most of his life with pain. His abusive father...his mother's death...and no one that was living to love him.

'Oh yes....Potter must be looking down upon me just smirking', thought Snape with face filled with of malice and hatred on his face.'The great, all-powerful Potter is up right where he belongs...everyone always though of him a god...even when we went to school together.' his breathing got quicker. The memory of his being here when he was a teenager brought even more of a headache to him. And to top off his sickness, he started to get nauseous. 'Everyone always treated him as though he was a king here. Just because he was so _gifted_ and powerful...and according to the girls a very _cute_ boy. No one ever glanced my way...and when they did they grimaced and looked away. He was so popular...and Black too....the wolf....even _Petigrew _got more recognition than I did!!' He threw a jar that was on his desk to the wall and it shattered into a million pieces. The noise it made when it hit the floor didn't make his head feel any better. He muttered "_reparo_" and it fixed itself.

It rolled across the floor and clunked against the door. He sat in his chair and ran his fingers through his hair. He sighed yet again and he looked around his classroom without taking much of it in. His lunch churning still in his stomach, and head pounding, his eyes finally rested on a mirror. His reflection stared back at him curiously. He frowned and his counter-part did the same thing. 'Why would anyone want recognize anyway? I was a nerd and had a horrible attitude. No one wanted me before, and no one would want me in the future. And I don't think anyone would want me anyway...but damn it...it gets so terribly lonely...' he dropped his eyes from the mirror and looked at the jar that was still at the door, the water now still and the contents resting on the bottom. He had faced the truth...no one wanted him though he wanted them too.

He sneered at the way life turned out. Someone died that everyone wanted, and someone lived that no one wanted at all. He rested his head at the top of his chair and looked up at the ceiling, trying to ignore the tightening in his chest and the heat in his face. 'Everyone loved him...everyone wanted to be him...and no one ever even looked my way. But then that's the way it's always has been and always will be. No one wants me....' he thought. If he had said it out loud he would have started to yell. His anger, his resentment, and his horrible sadness were making him have a temper tantrum at the injustice of it all. He then got up and went to the stone basin that was located at the end of his classroom and retched. The water immediately spilled out of the stone lizards mouths and washed all its contents down the drain. He washed his face with the cold water and looked up. He breathed in and out shakily and tried to steady himself again. He closed his eyes and tried to shut out the world around him. He then had a memory he had forgotten. Just a glint of it...in the back of his mind...

He gave a little gasp. 'Not everyone hated me...when I was here...someone actually cared.' he thought. "Someone wanted me..." he then said aloud, his deep voice suddenly echoing through his dungeon. He glared into the atmosphere to remember. Snape then gave a little smile despite his still churning stomach and headed towards his little personal library that was at the back of the classroom that nobody ever bothered to look at. He himself hadn't bothered to look through these books because he had already read all of them. But he didn't being to look in column A or any of the other columns. In fact he went straight to the bottom...all the way to the bottom. Down to the floor even. He went on all fours and looked for a crevice. He put all his fingers in the lining of the bookcase and then found one. He tried to peek into the tiny little area in which he was trying to explore with his big hands but he would see; his head simply wouldn't allow him to.

He sighed and gave up. He would just have to give up trying to do in manually. He shook his head and couldn't believe at how stupid he really was. Snape could've just used magic to open the small bookcase(though it would do come considerable damage to the bookcase; it stood on the little wooden piece he was trying to take out.) He tried to take out his squashed fingers from how far they had gone into the little crevice...but they were stuck. He looked at the his hand stuck inside the small opening of the bookcase and pulled again...sharply. He heard a knuckle crack and it hurt more than he thought it would. "Ow..."he whispered. He pulled some more even if he knew it would hurt but he had to get his hand out somehow.

"Let...," tug, "me..," tug, "go!!" he tugged his hardest and it finally let him go. But he pulled so hard that the little wooden piece fell out and the entire bookcase fell all over him. There was dust everywhere and as he tried to get up, he couldn't see where he was going and slipped on the same little piece of wood he tried to take out in the first place, and bumped his head on the edge of the desk. "Ow!!fuuuuc-" he began to shout.

"Professor?" said a voice from the door. Snape peeked from behind a desk that had fallen over when he grabbed it on the way to the floor. He glared at this particular student. "What do you want, Potter?!" he hissed, daring him to laugh at his current situation. "I was just going to give you Hermione Granger's assignment. She's still in the hospital wing from the injuries that happened earlier this month." he replied, his mouth twitching in the corners. "Leave it on the desk and get out!! Didn't your _mother_ ever teach you how to knock? And how long were you standing there?!",Snape asked sharply. Harry Potter didn't even care about the comment on his mother and put the assignment on Snape's desk. "I didn't see anything, sir. I promise..." he didn't make eye contact but left in a hurry. He was hiding his face from Snape and shut the door behind him.

Snape coughed and rubbed his head. He muttered, "right on the goddamned corner. Not ONE painless moment?!" he look up to the ceiling and yelled rottenly. "Well at least I got what I wanted...once again through injuries." And out from beneath the pile of broken wooden pieces came a black old, dusty, leather-bound book with tainted silver lining. He smiled yet again as he got up and sat down on the chair he was sitting on a few moments before. He stroked the book with fondess, remembering the day he bought it at Hogsmeade. His hand made a streak after he touched it and the dust lifted from the old book. He sighed as he dusted the rest off the dust and looked at it admiringly. He then looked at the mirror again and his face jumped in surprise at what he was looking at. He was covered with wood chips and dust from his black-haired head to his black shoes. He looked ridiculous and it was a wonder how Potter even managed to keep a straight face while he was in here. He shook his head and it became somewhat better. But then he looked down at the book in his hand through the mirror. Memories suddenly flashed back...it was his seventh year at school was just about to end. He was filling this book full of happy times when they were laughing...nothing but happy times.

He opened the book carefully and looked at the little yellowing piece of parchment that was still pinned to the front of the picture album. It said in the most beautiful cursive: "for when you feel alone. Don't forget to ask yourself at the end of this book, 'why not?'= } ". He smiled when he read this meaningful question. And he looked at the other pages. Staring back at him were 5 people that made his years at Hogwarts bearable. The twins Haley and Renee, Jerome, and Madison...they were the only ones that stood up for him and loved him for what he was. But the one who loved him the most was Renee...she was there when he bought this book during their Christmas vacation. She was also there when Potter or Black would make fun of him. She was also there when his mother died...and she never left his side when they started to date.

Yes Renee loved him and He her. She was so beautiful too, with shiny dark brown hair and deep dark brown eyes. He loved the way her hips would move when she walked and teased him to come and hold her. Her laughter was brilliant as well as her mind. Everyone wanted her...even Sirius Black. And anyone would fall under Black's little spell. All he had to do was look at any girl and they would puddle. But Renee wasn't one of them. She would give him attitude and turn her back on him. That was one of the few things Snape was proud of back then. That he had something one of the "gods" didn't have. They never would...if she hadn't gone away from him...he would be with her right now instead feeling sorry for himself. He looked away from the book, his heart sinking from the site of them being together in one picture, his arms around her waste and her arms around his neck. She was facing him and smiling up at him and his younger self was looking down at her lovingly. Their love life was secret and he supposed that's what was so great about it. Nobody knew...not even her own twin brother who was by her side 24/7!!

At the end of the book, he sighed, and murmured to himself, "why not?"...and smiled. He went to his cupboard and looked inside. There, behind a jar of god-knows-what, was his own Penseive. He looked into it and braced himself, for going back...far back...wasn't going to be an easy ride.

Disclaimer: well what do you think? i know it's a little ooc but if you really think about it...haven't you ever thought this way at least ONCE in your life?...well unless you're self-centered don't answer that question. And haven't you at least ONCE had a blunder like our little friend Sevvie-pooh did with the bookcase...i didn't but i sure as HELL had been knocked into corner of something!!that really hurts!! lolz...aaanywayz um...plz review,be gentle and don't drink and drive. once again i own NUTTIN!!...lolz...next chapter coming up soon!! see ya!!


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